The first time Castiel met Dean was actually quite painful. He had insisted on going to regular high school after his parents had put him in the special school as his eye sight started fading in 2nd grade.
Times like these makes him wonder why he wanted to try and be normal though, the few books he was carrying a second ago were somewhere on the floor, out of his reach. Kneeling down to feel for them, he heard an unfamiliar voice.
Cas woke to the sound of his door creaking open and the quiet sound of padded footsteps that could only belong to one little boy. Cas feigned sleep and rolled over, waiting for the wake up Samandriel had surely been planning for a good ten minutes now. What he was not expecting was the spray of water on his face.
“Time to get up, Cas!” Samandriel shouted with amusement.
Sam got them out. With the help of so many people and angels, Cas didn’t know where to begin thanking people. There was only one thing. It wasn’t a big deal. Castiel had seen the beginning of the earth, he didn’t want to see the end. This was a blessing in disguise. He kept trying to tell Dean that. He sat up on the edge of his bed, reaching over to grab his cane, when he heard a sharp, ragged inhale.
“I can hear your breathing. I know you’re upset. What’s wrong?”
Castiel stood and walked a few steps before bumping into something. He had more senses than most, but he was still getting used to using them to make up for… Well. He felt someone rush up to him and grab his forearms.
“Cas. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Dean. Of course it was Dean.
“I’m okay, Dean. I need to learn how to get around by myself.”
He felt the hands gripping his arms loosen, Dean’s breathing growing shallow before he murmured.
“Can we just, sit?”
Cas nodded his head. He would do anything Dean asked him to do. After everything that has happened. He needed to do everything he could for Dean. He let himself be led back to the bed, pliant beneath Dean’s grasp. He sat down and asked.
“Dean. Can I look at you?”
This was something they had started doing when they first discovered that something had happened when Sam had brought them back. No angel mojo could heal him. Nothing. Sam had disappeared for nearly 3 days, he felt so guilty. Cas had reassured him that he’d seen all there was to see. He never let Sam know that all he really wanted his sight for was to memorize the color of Dean’s eyes and the soft curve of his lips. The way his legs bowed when he ran and the smile that rarely made an appearance. Dean paused before simply saying, “Yes.”
Castiel held his hands up, keeping them steady until Dean’s hands wrapped around his wrists and guided them to his face. Cas laid his hands across Dean’s cheeks, rubbing gently down around the curve of his chin. He paused before gliding a thumb across Dean’s lips, which parted slightly to accommodate him. He slowly guided his hands up until he reached Dean’s eyes.
They were closed, Cas’ fingertips rubbing through the too-long eyelashes. Something felt wrong.
“Dean. Are you weeping?”
He heard a jagged breath and felt the release of air from Dean’s mouth. Another stream of wetness caressed across his hand.
“Dean. This is no one’s fault.”
Cas jumped slightly when Dean brought a hand down swiftly onto the bed. Cas could smell the dust that rose from the sheets.
“Dammit, Cas. You act like this is nothing. You can’t see. You’ll probably never see again. How can you be okay with that?”
Cas sighed. This was the Dean he fell in love with. Even if he couldn’t stand it sometimes.
“Dean. How can you know if I am okay or not? Just because I can contain my emotions better than most doesn’t mean that I’m not struggling. I need you to help me. It doesn’t mean you can’t come to me and cry. It doesn’t mean you can’t get angry. I just need you to stop blaming yourself. Please. We both know that’s a dark road.”
Cas used his hands to wipe the continuing flow of tears. He heard Dean take a deep breath before exhaling slowly. The tears were stopping.
“I don’t deserve you, Cas. You don’t deserve this.”
Cas smiled, “Thank you. Even though you’re wrong. Thank you.”
Cas felt the corners of Dean’s mouth curve ever so slightly upwards. Cas needed to feel that mouth. Now. He leaned forwards, hoping Dean would pick up on his attempt. Getting used to this was going to take a while. Thankfully he had Dean. Dean who always seemed to know what Cas wanted. Dean met him in a soft kiss.
“If there’s a way. I’ll fix you, Cas. I promise.”
Cas felt his smile disappear, tugging desperately at Dean now.
“Please, Dean. I just want you to stay with me. Don’t leave.”
He let himself fall backwards until he was lying on the bed. He felt Dean maneuver his way around Cas until they were laying face to face, Cas’ hands still on Dean’s face.
“You know I can’t always be here. I need to protect you.”
Cas shook his head.
“Protect me from here.”
Cas felt the wetness return.
“I promise. I’ll never leave you.”
Cas knew that Dean was lying. He wanted to make Cas happy. Even though Cas knew this, he couldn’t help but relax, hands remaining on Dean’s face. He closed his eyes, knowing that helps Dean. He lowered his voice.
“Thank you.”
That’s all that needed to be said.
Cas started cooking. He wanted to be useful is what he told Dean with an “I’m not a baby in a trench coat”
It took them a week to organize the kitchen so that Cas knew exactly where everything was. He tried starting out with something simple, macaroni & cheese. Dean had offered his help but Cas had pushed him away. Cas proceeded to undercook the macaroni.
Dean and Sam tried eating it anyways, it was the least they could do. Cas tried a bite and immediately spat it out.
“I don’t know how you’re managing to eat this.”
Sam and Dean smiled at each other. They ordered pizza that night.
Two months later and Cas had mastered Mac & Cheese. And a lot of other things. Except pancakes. He’d tried and tried but couldn’t manage to make pancakes. The last batch tasted like rubber.
Cas spent many of his sleepless nights working on finding different recipes and trying everything he could think of. Suri was not being very helpful. But with Sam gone ’visiting an old friend’, Cas wanted to have a special breakfast for Dean. He decided to try one more time.
He didn’t know what time it was, it was always dark. He knew that it must be closer to dawn though, the birds chirps drifting in through the open window. He glided his hands along the cabinets, searching for the one with three notches, opening it and stretching to reach the top shelf. The flour was right there, within reach of his fingertips, pushed back just far enough that he couldn’t quite get it.
He thought for a moment before jumping ever so slightly. He wrapped his fingers around the bag of flour a little too tightly and was rewarded with a cloud of flour surrounding him.
He coughed, tasting it land heavily on his tongue as he tried to wipe it away. He tried to remember if he had left the bag open or if someone had used it since he had. He rubbed his hands through his hair, feeling the flour on his scalp. A soft chuckle stopped him.
“Dean?”
He listened as the chuckle stopped and socked feet padded closer. He held his hands out in front of him, feeling into the black. Fingers intertwined with his and one hand caressed his face, rubbing the flour away.
“You could’ve just waited for me, you know.”
Cas felt the heat flood his face. He doesn’t know how, but Dean was behind the flour being too far to reach. He was certain.
“I’ve waited long enough. I just wanted to make pancakes.”
Dean’s hand left his face and brushed through his hair, creating a small cloud of flour.
“You know your fight with pancakes could be solved by making waffles or maybe buying a mix?”
Cas smiled at this. Dean was referring to an argument they had had when Cas first attempted to make pancakes and had gotten a nasty burn on his hand.
“I already told you, I don’t want a mix. I want to conquer this.”
Dean’s hand returned to his face, wrapping around until his thumb was rubbing along Cas’ cheekbone.
“You know I can’t cook, but I can help. Just say the word.”
Cas lifted his hand until it rested on Dean’s forehead. He moved it down slowly, rubbing his fingertips along Dean’s face, noting the swallow that Dean took when his reached his mouth.
“Just this once, Dean. You need to clean up the flour first.”
He felt Dean’s smile under his hand.
“I like seeing you covered in flour.”
Dean lowered his voice.
“I want to see you in just the flour.”
Cas gasped slightly as Dean leaned forward and pressed their lips together, licking into his mouth before quickly pulling away and coughing. Cas chuckled.
“It doesn’t taste so pleasant, does it?”
Dean coughed once more.
“It’s still not as bad as your pancakes.”
Cas pushed Dean away playfully.
“Not for long.”
Turns out Dean can cook. But Cas isn’t going to let him know.
Baths had become a regular thing after Castiel lost his sight. The first time he had sunk into the hot, soapy water was because he was simply too tired to stand. Dean hadn’t gotten in that first time. He simply held Cas’ hand as Cas let the dirt and grime from Purgatory soak off.Cas had let Dean help rinse everything away, listening to the way he tried to control his breathing when he reached his back and saw the scabbed wound that that very last monster had left. Cas had wanted to stop him, whimpering in pain at the way Dean scrubbed at it until Cas felt he couldn’t take anymore. Cas had whispered Dean’s name, making Dean stop and kiss at Cas’ shoulder. Cas was disappointed when he felt a warm clean towel embrace his shoulder instead of Dean’s lips. But Dean lifted him out that time. When Cas still didn’t know which way to go.
Bath time went a little differently now. Dean still washed him. But Dean was in the bathtub too.
(Source: drvantochs)
Cas rarely slept. But he liked to. Occasionally he’d curl up beside Dean and just let go. And waking up was the best part. Dean would have him tucked against his chest. And those moments made it all worth it.
The darkness felt lighter when he was wrapped up in Dean. This morning was different though.
He woke to an empty bed. He sat up, confused, fumbling for his cane.
“Dean?”
Cas goes to stand before he hears the familiar steps running down the hall. A smell following him.
“Cas. I’m right here. What’s wrong?”
Cas lifted his hands into the black, searching and waiting for Dean’s hand to connect to his, sighing happily when it did.
“Nothing now. You were gone when I woke.”
Cas could feel Dean’s flinch.
“I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to-“
Cas cuts him off with a brush across his lips. Well, technically across his face, but Cas had been hoping to catch his mouth.
“Dean. It’s okay. I’ll never be used to not being able to follow you.”
The silence was a little too heavy as Cas felt Dean’s thumbs run along his cheeks.
“Dean. Please. What did you bring me?”
The hands left Cas’ face.
“Hold out your hand.”
Cas obeyed without question. He took the warm mug from Dean’s hand, raising it slowly to his lips, sniffing at it.
“Is this coffee?”
He heard Dean chuckle softly.
“Good job, Cas.” was the answer he got.
Cas took a deep swallow of the bitterness, black and perfect, before reaching out for Dean.
Dean was there within seconds, pressing his face against Cas’ hand.
“I’m right here, baby.”
Cas smiled and lowered until his face was level with Dean’s.
“Please kiss me, Dean.”
And Dean did, slow and probing, like he was begging for a taste of the black drink he’d just given to Cas. Which is fair, Dean always took his coffee black.
(Source: drvantochs)
