Sam got them out. With the help of so many people and angels, Cas didn’t know where to begin thanking people. There was only one thing. It wasn’t a big deal. Castiel had seen the beginning of the earth, he didn’t want to see the end. This was a blessing in disguise. He kept trying to tell Dean that. He sat up on the edge of his bed, reaching over to grab his cane, when he heard a sharp, ragged inhale.
“I can hear your breathing. I know you’re upset. What’s wrong?”
Castiel stood and walked a few steps before bumping into something. He had more senses than most, but he was still getting used to using them to make up for… Well. He felt someone rush up to him and grab his forearms.
“Cas. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Dean. Of course it was Dean.
“I’m okay, Dean. I need to learn how to get around by myself.”
He felt the hands gripping his arms loosen, Dean’s breathing growing shallow before he murmured.
“Can we just, sit?”
Cas nodded his head. He would do anything Dean asked him to do. After everything that has happened. He needed to do everything he could for Dean. He let himself be led back to the bed, pliant beneath Dean’s grasp. He sat down and asked.
“Dean. Can I look at you?”
This was something they had started doing when they first discovered that something had happened when Sam had brought them back. No angel mojo could heal him. Nothing. Sam had disappeared for nearly 3 days, he felt so guilty. Cas had reassured him that he’d seen all there was to see. He never let Sam know that all he really wanted his sight for was to memorize the color of Dean’s eyes and the soft curve of his lips. The way his legs bowed when he ran and the smile that rarely made an appearance. Dean paused before simply saying, “Yes.”
Castiel held his hands up, keeping them steady until Dean’s hands wrapped around his wrists and guided them to his face. Cas laid his hands across Dean’s cheeks, rubbing gently down around the curve of his chin. He paused before gliding a thumb across Dean’s lips, which parted slightly to accommodate him. He slowly guided his hands up until he reached Dean’s eyes.
They were closed, Cas’ fingertips rubbing through the too-long eyelashes. Something felt wrong.
“Dean. Are you weeping?”
He heard a jagged breath and felt the release of air from Dean’s mouth. Another stream of wetness caressed across his hand.
“Dean. This is no one’s fault.”
Cas jumped slightly when Dean brought a hand down swiftly onto the bed. Cas could smell the dust that rose from the sheets.
“Dammit, Cas. You act like this is nothing. You can’t see. You’ll probably never see again. How can you be okay with that?”
Cas sighed. This was the Dean he fell in love with. Even if he couldn’t stand it sometimes.
“Dean. How can you know if I am okay or not? Just because I can contain my emotions better than most doesn’t mean that I’m not struggling. I need you to help me. It doesn’t mean you can’t come to me and cry. It doesn’t mean you can’t get angry. I just need you to stop blaming yourself. Please. We both know that’s a dark road.”
Cas used his hands to wipe the continuing flow of tears. He heard Dean take a deep breath before exhaling slowly. The tears were stopping.
“I don’t deserve you, Cas. You don’t deserve this.”
Cas smiled, “Thank you. Even though you’re wrong. Thank you.”
Cas felt the corners of Dean’s mouth curve ever so slightly upwards. Cas needed to feel that mouth. Now. He leaned forwards, hoping Dean would pick up on his attempt. Getting used to this was going to take a while. Thankfully he had Dean. Dean who always seemed to know what Cas wanted. Dean met him in a soft kiss.
“If there’s a way. I’ll fix you, Cas. I promise.”
Cas felt his smile disappear, tugging desperately at Dean now.
“Please, Dean. I just want you to stay with me. Don’t leave.”
He let himself fall backwards until he was lying on the bed. He felt Dean maneuver his way around Cas until they were laying face to face, Cas’ hands still on Dean’s face.
“You know I can’t always be here. I need to protect you.”
Cas shook his head.
“Protect me from here.”
Cas felt the wetness return.
“I promise. I’ll never leave you.”
Cas knew that Dean was lying. He wanted to make Cas happy. Even though Cas knew this, he couldn’t help but relax, hands remaining on Dean’s face. He closed his eyes, knowing that helps Dean. He lowered his voice.
That’s all that needed to be said.